Through the years of helping women change their food habits and relationships I witness over and over again how seemingly innocent messages at childhood start to negatively affect their life as grown adult women and shape a rather toxic relationship with food and the body.
In my practice I use a very revealing lifeline exercise when I start working with somebody new and we often uncover that many of the messages around food and the body come from family environments as understandably, our parents are our teachers and guides in the early start of life. And even the most well-meaning parents can communicate a message that isn’t helpful long-term.
Check out some of the most common messages around food that can be unhelpful and what you can do about it now, so that your child creates a positive relationship with food for a lifetime.
Start with yourself
Remember that kids don’t learn what they are told, but rather what they see and what they experience. So if you say “you have to eat all the vegetables”, but barely add vegetables to your plate or encourage regular eating to your child, but go hours without food and graze on whatever is around, your little one is getting mixed messages.
Start to become aware whether your food habits align with what you are teaching your child and if not, start to make adjustments or reevaluate what you are asking of your little one.
Language around food
Labels are everywhere and with the growing confusion and contradiction in the nutrition world of what we should and shouldn’t eat (with the help of dr. Google, of course), it becomes easier to label foods simply as “good” or “bad” to help us sift through the messaging.
However, telling your little ones some foods are “good” or “bad” can send the wrong message, as they can start to develop guilt or shame eating the “wrong” type of foods, especially if they like it. Additionally, they can start to associate their self worth to liking the foods that are “bad”, translating it that there may be something wrong with them.
It is not unusual to hear of 5-7 years olds starting to “diet” from the messages that they pick up from their environment so instead of idealising and demonising foods, it’s a good idea to use other words, such as “nourishing or growing” foods and “fun” foods instead.
Mindful eating (self-regulation around food) Finishing the plate?
Kids have something that many adults have lost– ability to regulate hunger and satiety and respond to these cues. Dieting and food rules for adults with time can skew the ability to really feel these cues and rather think if they are hungry or not and if they are “allowed” or “should” eat. Kids are still attuned to their body’s cues and can simply stop after ½ slice of cake. So it’s not very useful to repeatedly ask them to clean the plate, unless they are consistently undereating.
A great idea to teach them to listen to their body and get them more sensitised to their own hunger signals. Ask your little one what their tummy is saying before and after a meal, if they can notice any other sensations in the body and how hungry they are if counting 1-5. From an early age teach and nurture the connection with the body and continue to be an intuitive eater–what do they truly want when they close their eyes?
You can’t make a child sit still and breathe deeply before each bite, but you can lead by example and create an environment, where they feel relaxed and are able to be focused on food more. Focus on less distraction, do something relaxing before eating and sit at the table. Create some transition space from play to eating, so that they get a message that eating is a time of relaxation and calm.
Involve kids in cooking and preparation
Research shows that the more connection kids have with the process of growing, shopping and cooking the food, the more willing they are to experiment and eat a variety of meals. The journey from the farm to the plate can be a fun educational exercise that will encourage your little one to try more unfamiliar foods, especially if they see where it comes from.
If you’re not growing food yourself, bring your child to a community garden or a greengrocer, so that your child can see where the food comes from before it’s wrapped in plastic on a supermarket shelf. Also give your little ones tasks when preparing food, such as peeling an orange, chopping cucumber or tearing lettuce, so they feel more involved in the process.
Food as a reward or punishment
Avoid using food as a punishment or a reward. Although it’s very common to reward children with sweets, give them “treats” to keep them quiet and occupied, many children grow up to have an unhelpful relationship with food and use it as a reward.
Aim to form a message around your little ones that dessert is a “fun” food that is not off limits, however variety is important and is a crucial part of a balanced diet. However, avoid using dessert as a reward for being good and especially voicing thoughts like “you’ve misbehaved today, no treat for you”. Aim to reward with experiences, extra time together or surprises that are not solely food.
Body talk
Negative body image most of the time results in manipulating food to manage body weight and shape, so crucial to be positive with body talk, as much as with food talk. If a mother says “you are beautiful as you are” and then complains about her thighs touching or how she cannot get into her old dress, the child can get a message that it is not ok to be happy with your body, regardless of what you say out loud.
Even if you don’t love your body, start to become aware of the comments you make in front of your children. Avoid asking questions like “do I look fat in this?”, say negative things about your body or pay too much importance on appearance. A great way to send a positive message about loving and accepting your body is to notice how you respond to compliments: do you casually shrug it off or say a loud “thank you”?
Milda helps driven women overcome binging, emotional eating and food obsession, so they can enjoy food without guilt and take back control of their lives. In her practice she uses tools and techniques that help achieve physical, mental and emotional balance.
If you’d like to find out what’s behind your cravings, take the Three Types of Cravings Quiz or join the Nourished Craving-Free Community to get support with achieving your health goals. Get in touch with Milda and find out how she can support you.